Robert and Damien (Strong Language)

How long am I going to sit here staring at this bloody chair?

Two years since he sat in it. I can still hear the clink of glasses, the soft music in the background that became important in the lull of laughter and conversation. I feel that chuckle deep inside my stomach even now watching him lovingly as he cleaned every speck from the plush velvet seat “Rice, Rice” I hear his voice “Bloody rice, sticks like glue. We will not have rice at our dinner parties anymore.

The wind is still blowing, trying to rush in autumn and doing its best to blow the trees bare of their leaves.

I wonder if there is any Brasso? Ah yes here, pushed way back here in the dark recess. That would never be. Always on the ready, right in the front row of the cleaning cupboard was the Brasso.

I hear his voice singing `shake shake shake’ and see the little dance he would always do as he got the Brasso out to clean his chair.   “What am I doing? This chair has had it.  Oh well, I have it ready now. When will these tears stop? Brasso, tears, chair, tears, memories, tears. Time they say, time…well… two years have passed and that is time enough for me. It isn’t any easier and it will never be any easier, that is a lie to say it will.

My face looks weird in the reflection. No wonder he would shine the brass surround so often; he was so vain. He was beautiful though. What he lacked in height he made up for in everything else he possessed. His smooth brown skin, high cheek bones, chocolate brown eyes that danced with every piece of his personality- kindness, humour and sympathy for anything that existed on earth that was mistreated.

Dance with me Robert .Dance…STOP HEAD, STOP!! STOP WITH THE MEMORIES!

Shit oh shit I am so, so sorry, I know you say I am clumsy but you always forgave me but what would you say now that I have spilt Brasso all over the velvet of your precious chair…Fuck. Fuck you brasso, fuck you chair fuck you Damien for dying, fuck aids; fucking world.

Thank you wind, stopping just at the right time, would never have made it to the garage otherwise. Hurricane season is not a time for the outdoors. Screwdriver … this one should do.

If you can see me from up there Damien, don’t look, I will have this fixed in no time.

What have I done to you Damien. I didn’t mean that one night stand. You were away so long. I closed my eyes and pretended it was your warmth, your love. As soon as it was over I couldn’t believe I let myself pretend to that extent. It was my overwhelming need for you in a moment of madness and you had to pay for it before me. Now, now I am tearing you apart again.

The one thing you bought with you was the chair, your only memory of your Mother, her chair, you lovingly restored it, cared for it as if it was your Mother and now I have ruined that as well.

It broke me when you were diagnosed, it broke me when I had to tell you what I had done. It broke me when your eyes filled with loving tears and forgiveness…that is so you.

I can’t fix it, no more than I could fix you.

I didn’t think I could break anymore but this; your chair ruined; It is the last straw. I am sorry.

This is your favourite place Damien, you couldn’t believe this was so close to our home; so quiet, nature at its very best. Hurricane season or not, this lull gives the peace I need.

Sit with me Damien, this your chair, do you mind I have bought it here to your favourite spot. I know it is damaged beyond repair but we will be together and hopefully you can forgive me again.

I am taking my shoes off Damien. I would never stand on your chair in shoes. You would be horrified.

Remember when the ranger put this fence up. You were so pissed off, spoiled nature you would say. Well this fence will not keep us apart Damien – Your chair will see to that. My love is coming home to you.

They found my body at the bottom of the ravine. An old damaged chair next to the guard fence. No suspicious circumstances was the finding.

Dying (creative writing)

I have been very sick/ill/undertheweather … not well at all.
During the worst I thought … how do you know if you are going to die? Do you get a signal, a sign of some kind? Maybe in this day and age of technology one might get an email so I struggled for my ipad and checked. I didn’t have my glasses on so I couldn’t see clearly and my head hurt … everything was blurry … is that the sign?
I reached for my glasses, blurriness wasn’t the sign as things became clear … my head still hurt as I scrolled through the few emails, nothing out of the ordinary but then maybe signs came through the ordinary so I checked my bank statement … there was a sign … I missed paying an account. That was ok … if I am dying then that is someone else’s problem. Nothing else had hidden messages about dying so I laid back exhausted but pleased I didn’t find anything that was telling me I was not long for this world. What about messages on my phone? Again I struggled for the phone and glasses and checked and there was a message saying “Looking forward to seeing you soon. GOD
There it was in writing on my phone … he sent a text message! I laid back and wondered when it will happen. I coughed and sneezed and wheezed … and waited.
I must have dozed off … I woke feeling vibration … I froze … I was vibrating down the left side … in my hand … this is it I thought … this is it … until I realized I had dozed off with my phone in my hand (and my glasses on). I wondered if I had time to open the phone before I passed … maybe it was another message letting me know exactly when I will go. With shaking hands and weakness all over I opened the phone and pressed message … it read.
“Sorry about the last message, I pressed send before I finished what I wanted to say. GOD it is hot here but the nights are beautiful. So looking forward to your visit and lots of swimming, your BBF Amanda xx

Illustration Friday

As I shivered through a very cold week I thought …  let’s do something different … so I went for a walk and ended up at the very point of Risanamus where the sun was shining beautifully. Sitting on a rocky outcrop I heard a russtle (yes a russtle not a rustle). I turned and caught a glimpse of old ‘Pointysaurus’.  Didn’t think he existed anymore but there he was scavenging around in the debris washed up by inky waters. He was a sifting through purple algae when he must have had the feeling someone was watching him, he look up and gave me the sunniest grin then continued on with his search for … whatever he was searching for.

I came home feeling warmed by the sun and delighted by my sighting. Mmmm … what else can I do that is a different. Made a coffee and started roaming around the net (that is not different trust me). I came across ‘Illustration Friday’ and guess what? It was meant to be … the prompt for this week is ‘Pointy’. Ah ha! had it immediately. Draw old Pointysaurus and here he is. I hope I have done him justice. I have drawn him just the way he stood and gave me his grin.


I have a cold

Headache, two boxes of tissues and achy breaky shoulders.

Where did it come from … this cold in the head? Was it hiding around the corner riding on the cold wind yesterday … sitting secretly next to me on the tram or did it jump out at me in the supermarket? Wherever it was it had my name on it.

Don’t feel like running a marathon … just knitting … cannot concentrate, purl two, knit two … no no, knit one purl three, sneeze four … where was I?

Need to rest, have a lie down … no way … it is the middle of the day only old people do that … oh, yes, that is right I forgot I am old … oldish … older … sneezish old.

Righty 0, I’m done complaining. I have a cold, don’t feel like washing, ironing or cleaning … or running a marathon (when do I ever feel like that anyways?) so … I will just have to play all day at this and that and eat cake!

What started out as a problem just ended up a bonus, thanks cold.

To those that have a cold, get well soon and don’t forget … take the opportunity to play at whatever takes your fancy and don’t let sneezy stop you … and yes, eat cake, your favourite … whatever that may be … as take it from me … it has loads of ‘cold antibodies’ in it … and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Happiness is … finding good in everything …

Summer stroll

Vivid 7

A stroll on the beach … at night … in summer. A glow on the sand caught my attention. As it grew brighter it caught my … full attention. Grains of sand moved … shifted slowly this way then … the other. Was I afraid? … oh yeh!

They rose slowly … silently. I wanted to run … but couldn’t, I was … mesmerized. They rose high without apparent threat … I calmed down, fear settling into curiosity.

I waited … waited to see what their next move would be … there wasn’t any. They just stood and … glowed … how nice.

Pitch Black

Vivid 1

The night was pitch black. Eleven pm … pitch black. The moon was missing … it was supposed to be a …  full moon … it didn’t rise.

Pitch black … and … silent.

Rumble, screech … a sliding sound … sliiiiiiidddde. Red light on horizon … rising … rising.

They are here…

I enjoyed my little chat …

I enjoyed my little chat … with myself … on my blog the other day.

Sitting here now, thinking about that nice feeling I thought I would like to write something again … like, right now … this minute, but as usual … what?

I could write about the troubles of the world, there are so many but that would be depressing and writing … especially my writing … can’t help … it could if I was someone important but I’m not … well, I am in a way. I am important to the birds in the tree outside my door. They think I am important as I chased a cat away from them the other day. The birds wanted to come and eat the crumbs I left them but cat – sat – very – very still thinking he was invisible but I saw him, the birds saw him so who was he kidding? Anyways I clapped my hands and yelled really loudly – SHOOOO. The sly guy eyed me and  crouched down low but didn’t run so I stamped my foot and clapped my hands and yelled really really loudly – SHOOOOOBAM! That did it – he shoooobammed it up and over the fence in wink. If the birds had hands they would have clapped me.

On another subject I got book from the library yesterday … only up to page four but already I know for sure this is going to be a good read. You see, there is this elephant and he has a friend who … well … I am only up to page four so I am not sure what adventures they might have. If you have a library near you, you might like to see if they have the book.

So, not much else is happening in my life at the moment, oh yes, my maidenhair fern is looking pretty … all lacy and green and … and … magical in a maidenhair fern kinda way … they have that special ability to do that .. be all magical and lacy … and green.

If anyone is reading this and you have troubles, I hope they go away soon … or at least … before the next full moon and if you do see a full moon, make a wish, a big one as wishes on a full moon usually comes true and I am sure you deserve your wishes to come true cos I am sure you are really really nice.

Bird and I say bye for now …

Ready for stamp

Been away … again

Been with the grandchildren … learned (learnt?) a lot. Homework isn’t what it used to be … their’s is from some strange planet … couldn’t understand the language … Google did.

I learnt … again … to tie a tie. Iron pleats into tunics and sing silly songs … that was fun. We walked in the sunshine … the rain … the freezing cold. We camped out in the lounge room … cos we could. Watched movies and ate lollies. I was introduced to ‘sours’ … who on earth invented them? We held hands … hugged and laughed some more.

For breakfast please Nana … Dark rye bread and marinated goats cheese … Turkish bread with smoked salmon (expensive tastes for so young) … well … I am proud they choose healthy.

Memories are fresh … smiles are a constant … life is a little richer …


I like origami … the feel of the paper … sharp folds.

With some help from me paper square … folds … triangle appears then disappears. Another tiny fold … a diamond shows itself off and lingers … turns … another fold and diamond distorts to points of importance. Fold up … crease … pull out and a crane is born. Another and another … on and on … meditation.

paper cranes

All my birds wish you happiness, peace, tranquility … and … licorice allsorts

Ready for stamp